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Motormike
22.10.2002, 15:10
Cultural Differences

Top 10 reasons for being Dutch:
1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer. They pay you back by selling you illegal fireworks and let you blow up small parts of your country.
3. You're exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.
4. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital.
5. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
6. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will safe your country
7. You can legally kill yourself. You can legally be killed.
8. You live in the most densly populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you loose your keys, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.

Top 10 reasons for being French:
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Experience the joy of winning the World Cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just sh*t in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.

Top 10 reasons for being American:
1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still be president.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You get to be really obese.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth:
- When you're not.
- At all.

Top 10 reasons for being English:
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup-doo-dah, doo-dah.
2. Proper beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week - whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh.

Top 10 reasons for being Scottish:
1. You ain't English!
2. You ain't English!
3. You ain't English!
4. You ain't English!
5. You ain't English!
6. You ain't English!
7. You ain't English!
8. You ain't English!
9. You ain't English!
10. You ain't English!

Top 10 reasons for being German:
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Top 10 reasons for being Irish:
1. Guinness.
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.

Top 10 reasons for being Belgian:
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.
2. If other countries want to fight a war, they will do in your county.
3. You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer.
4. You are either:
- like the dutch, just less efficient
- like the french, just less romantic
- like the germans
5. Decent fries. Real mayonaise. Great choclate. The best beer. Need I say more?
6. No one knows anything about you, except for the dutch and french. And they make fun of you.
7. More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.
8. You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody cares
9. All you famous countrymen are either imaginairy, or sex-offenders
10. Face it. It's not really a country, is it?